Elli (A Second Chance Novel Book 1) Page 32

  Elli ate in silence, sending him sidelong looks that stirred something powerful inside of him. When she finished, she handed him the bowl and the napkin. “You know, I’m not feeling that bad.” Her eyes darkened and she touched him lightly on the hand. Every cell in his body went on alert. “In fact, I’m feeling pretty good.”

  He leaned in closer to her. He felt her warm breath on his lips. “How good?”

  She rested her hands on his chest. “Real good.” She touched her lips to his. They were soft and hot and delicious. Ben traced her plump lips with his tongue, careful to not hurt her battered mouth. He kissed the corners of her mouth, then the tip of her nose. Never had he wanted to be so tender with a woman as he did with Elli right now. He wanted to soothe her with his mouth and body. He wanted to comfort her with his hands on her skin. He wanted to take the pain away and replace it with pleasure.

  Ben stood and locked the door, not giving a damn what anyone would think they were doing behind the closed doors. He eased into his bed, sliding his hand over her arms, down her hip. Elli moved closer to him, sharing her heat and desire. He slipped his hand between her thighs and she sighed, sinking deeper into the mattress, against him.

  She gripped his shoulders, her fingers digging into his flesh. She held on to him like a woman afraid of falling off a high ledge. Her lips skimmed across his cheek, his chin, and down his neck. Her breath was heavy on his sensitive skin. Ben groaned. “That feels good, cher.” He felt Elli’s smile against his chest and he smiled, too.

  He grabbed the end of her nightshirt and tugged it over her head, careful not to let the fabric rub against where the bruises were deeper, darker. Seeing the marks on her silky, beautiful skin, tore at his insides and Ben had to beat down the anger he felt towards Doug for doing this to her and at himself for not protecting her. “I’m okay,” she said, lifting his chin to look in his eyes.

  “I’m okay.”

  She took his hand and placed it over her right breast. Her lips lifted in a smile and Ben realized in that moment she was releasing herself to him. For the first time since they had made love, Elli didn’t cover her body with her hands or with sheets or with darkness or with anything else. He understood that she was laying herself bare and vulnerable before him. Why was she doing this? Why now? Something different was happening with them. Something important.

  He cupped her left breast with his other hand and slid down her body, leaving a trail of kisses until he was nestled between her breasts. He looked at them and touched the scars circling her nipples and curving under the slope of her breasts. He traced the new bruises and old scars along the side of her right breast and kissed where part of her flesh had been removed with the awful cancer. This battle she fought against the deadly disease had been part of what defined her today. It had been what made her such a fighter. It made her strong and sensitive and open.

  “You are so beautiful,” he whispered over her imperfect flesh and marveled at the perfection of her as a woman. Elli ran her hands through his hair and exhaled. He traced the scar that spread across her abdomen, hipbone to hipbone. He did the same with the scar near her collarbone, where her chemo-port had been. “So beautiful.”

  He grabbed the lace edges of her panties and slid them down her legs. “You are being so gentle, Ben. It fills me up inside until I want to burst with it. I want to cry. I want to laugh. I want to hold my breath. I want to breathe.”

  Ben stood, took off his clothes and slid back into bed with Elli. His skin felt sensitive as cool sheets and hot woman enveloped him. He lifted her on top of him and kissed her. Yes, he loved this woman. In this moment, he’d accept that, wallow in it. He’d leave logic and reality and everything else locked outside of the door with the rest of the world.

  Elli reached between them and touched him in that way that drove all thought from his head. He restrained himself from tossing her beneath him and driving hard and fast into her. His muscles strained and ached as he stroked her derriere, and between her thighs. When she began making the soft sexy sounds of arousal, he slipped inside of her, taking her in slow, long strokes. Elli’s body stiffened over him in a powerful orgasm that sent him joining her.

  * * * *

  Elli stepped into the shower and couldn’t believe she and Ben had just made love with his family so close by. Never in her life had she lost every ounce of control like she just had. He had looked at her with such a deep, dark, desire that she wanted him. More than that, she had to be part of him—body and soul.

  She closed her eyes and let the hot water flow over her head and down her aching body. Something had shifted with them and she was afraid to label what couldn’t be. Yes, she loved him and in the tender play of their lovemaking, she could pretend he loved her, too.

  Elli soaped a washcloth and ran it over her aching shoulders, arms, and legs. She took the soap as was her routine and lathered her hands and began to check her breasts for lumps. She had done it a thousand times and did it automatically and with precision. She started at twelve o’clock and worked her way in tiny circles around each breast. She had had a mastectomy, but she still had to search for tiny lumps that could form in the skin. Elli finished her left breast and began on her right. At three o’clock, she felt a small, hard bump. Her heart stopped. Her legs turned to liquid and she slithered to the floor of the shower. Water sprayed like tears over her.

  “No. Dear God, no.” She grabbed her breast, felt the lump again, and cried. “Please God. No. Not again.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Dear Bosom Blog Buddies, I thought I was finished with my cancer treatment…that the nightmare was over. Today I learned that it isn’t. It is starting all over again. I discovered I have the BRCA inherited breast cancer genes. I have no evidence of active cancer now, but learning I have the inherited cancer genes feels as if I have been diagnosed with cancer again. My fight continues. It will NEVER end! I must hold on to the knowledge that on this day at this moment, I am winning. Right? I do not wish this kind of worry for you. I want you to have good health and good genes, E.

  Bosom Blog Buddies Post

  Elli did what she had always had done when her fear and anxiety were too much for her to endure. She crawled into her bed, in a dark room, and isolated herself from the world. She had done this every time she waited for the results of a PET scan, an MRI, or any news that might tell her the cancer had grown or it had returned.

  Wet from her shower and shivering from terror, she lay naked in her narrow single bed behind locked doors. She didn’t know what to do. Fear had paralyzed her. A tiny whine and dainty bark came from somewhere near her bed. Elli moved as if she was stuck in thick wet clay and looked over the side of the bed. It was Donna and she was up on her hind legs, wanting to come on the bed with her. Elli picked her up and placed her on the pillow. Donna high-stepped off the pillow and onto Elli’s chest. She stood there, looking at her with her pretty button eyes.

  “I can’t try to read your mind right now, Donna.” Elli wiped away a tear. “I can’t think.” Elli closed her eyes and tried to ignore her. Donna tapped Elli on the chin with her paw. “Please. Leave me alone. I can’t do this with you.”

  Donna lay down and curved her body against Elli’s neck. The small dog felt warm and soft and secure. She petted the fluffy animal that had always been so self-centered, prissy, and demanding. Now she was offering comfort. Elli was grateful for it.

  There was a scratch at the door and whining from the other side. Elli recognized the sounds of her dogs. They wanted to come inside the room and she knew they wouldn’t let her ignore them. She crawled out of the bed, picked up Donna, and went to the door. When she opened it, the three energetic animals raced in. They circled Elli, hitting her naked legs with their tails, nipping at her toes, and licking the moisture off her knees. She locked the door again and climbed back in bed under the sheets. Dear Jenny jumped into bed with her and stretched out along her side, resting her head on Elli’s shoulder. Donna didn’t complain from the position she
reclaimed around Elli’s neck as she usually did when Jenny came this close to her. Doe sneezed, put her paw on the edge of the bed, and waited for Elli to pat on the bed for her to join them. When she did, Doe jumped up and circled her body at Elli’s feet. BJ leaped onto the bed and settled on the opposite side of Jenny. Elli looked around at the mass of fur and smiled.

  “You don’t like to see me sad, huh?” Donna whimpered in response. “I feel like you all are wrapping me up in a warm hug. Thank you.”

  Elli fell asleep like that and when she woke the next morning, she felt stronger. She had a lot to organize and made several calls before calling Abby. She told her that she had found a lump.

  “Oh, Elli. I’m sorry.” She understood how devastating this was better than anyone else Elli could have called. Very few words had to be spoken about it between them and there was a comfort in that unspoken insight. “Come home.”

  “I’m booked on a flight this evening. I have an oncology appointment tomorrow morning.” Elli looked around the room at her dogs, which were lying on the faded wood floor in the slant of sunlight coming through the window. “I’m bringing the dogs home, too.”

  “Good. I’m anxious to meet them after the stories you’ve told.” Abby’s voice was even, but Elli heard the sadness in it. “Have you told Ben or anyone there about it?”

  “No.” Tears filled her eyes. “I care too much about them to drag them into my nightmare. And they would want to do exactly that. They are loving, caring people.” She sniffed. “This is what I wanted to avoid in my life. I don’t want to bring grief and sadness into someone’s beautiful world.” She sighed. “Oh Abby, I can’t do it. I won’t.”

  “Then don’t. This is your life. Your choice. You need to write the script for your day because it’s your day. It’s all you can count on having.” Abby said, echoing Elli’s feelings.

  They spoke a few more minutes before Abby told her about how the buyer of her car was coming to Cane to get it today. They both knew it wasn’t important, but it was a detail that needed to be taken care of before she left Louisiana. They spoke a few minutes longer, saying a prayer together before ending the call.

  Tears continued to flow as Elli packed her suitcases. She missed Tante Izzy and Rachel and Ruby already. Her heart ached knowing she’d never again have Joey read to her or Beau tease her. Most of all, her heart was bursting over knowing she’d never see Ben again.

  Elli sat on the bed, powered up her laptop, and wrote a short note for Ben. Her heart was just too heavy to do the right thing and tell him in person that she was leaving. She also wrote a separate letter, telling him she would not execute any options to take possession of half of the plantation or kennel. She intended to have Abby draw up a will and bequeath her share of the plantation to him as it rightfully should have been since his father’s death. She would sell her house in California and donate that money to the foundation and hope they could find another way to raise money to keep it operating.

  She printed the letters, not noticing there were other documents in the printers’ queue. She had one more thing to do. She intended to tell Joey she was leaving. It was too much to expect a six-year-old to understand why she was leaving in a note. Another woman had hurt him when he was just a little tyke; she didn’t want to add more pain onto that. He had to know that she loved him but had to go back to California.

  She found Joey in his bedroom, building a fort with his Legos. She sat on the floor across from him and asked questions about his fort. After a few minutes, she found the courage to address why she was there.

  “Joey, I have something important I need to tell you.” He snapped a piece onto an area he had designated as a dog kennel, but didn’t look at her. The boy had good instincts and she would bet he was getting a strong vibe from her that he didn’t want to face. “I have to go back to California.” Elli had decided not to lie to the child, but she would talk around the truth. He snapped a bright yellow piece to the fort. She touched his hand to stop him from grabbing another Lego. “I have a big job to do and it’s in Los Angeles.”

  “My daddy will give you a job,” he said, his voice low, his face downcast.

  “That is really kind for you to suggest that.” She lifted his chin so he would look at her. The disappointment in his eyes broke her heart. “But I have to do a particular job and I can only do it in California. Can you understand that?”

  Joey shrugged. “Can’t somebody else do it?”

  Elli fought not to cry. “I wish I could change the circumstances and stay here with you. I can’t.”

  “I can come with you.” He looked at her in that cool, calculating way his father did when he wanted something. “I’m a good worker. I can help you with the dogs.”

  “I would love that, but I think your dad would really be sad.” She swallowed past the lump in her throat. “Tante Izzy would be upset and lonesome without you and Beau would miss his fishing buddy.” She shook her head. “Your family is here. They love you and would miss you something terrible.”

  Joey started picking at the rubber on the side of his tennis shoes. “Can I come visit you?”

  Elli scooped him in her arms, ignoring the pain it caused in her ribs and abdomen. “Yes. Absolutely. Come to visit me anytime.” She prayed she would be well enough and that his father wouldn’t be too angry for that to happen.

  He touched her bruised cheek with his soft, plump fingers. “Does that hurt?”

  “Not as much as my heart knowing how much I’ll miss you.” She squeezed him to her chest. “You are a good boy, Joey. The best. You are smart and kind and handsome and you will have a great life.”

  “I guess,” He murmured into her ear. Elli leaned back to look at him.

  “I know.” She smiled but he was looking at the ground. “Look at me, Joey. I know things. I have a good intuition about people. My intuition is telling me that you will be a wonderful, happy man.” She kissed him on the cheek. “I’m leaving this afternoon,” she said, her voice catching as her heart tore in half. “I left your dad a note on the printer explaining things. Can you please tell him I left it there for him after I leave, not before? You understand?” He nodded. She sighed. “Will you give him a kiss for me?”

  He nodded. “Elli,” he began, his bottom lip quivering. “Before I knew you had to go,” he looked up at her “I thought you might want to stay to be my mommy.”

  * * * *

  A few hours later, Elli had her dogs kenneled in the back of the car service SUV that she had hired to drive her and the dogs to the airport. Then, she left Sugar Mill plantation.

  Ben returned home a few hours early to check on Elli even though he knew she was well. She had looked luminous when he left her in his bed, but he hated not staying with her after she had been battered by Doug. It couldn’t be helped. He had to go to work. The gossip had spread across several parishes about Doug’s arrest and he had to answer his phone and reassure his customers that Doug’s arrest would not affect the kennel and had never endangered the animals in his keeping.

  Tante Izzy and Joey were sitting at the kitchen table eating cookies when he walked inside. Their movements seemed sluggish. Their eyes were sad and tired.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Youz didn’t drink da potion, dats what’s wrong,” Tante Izzy snapped at him.

  “Elli left,” Joey said, his eyes filling with tears.

  “Da Texian done gone back to Californ-i-ay.”

  “What?” Ben didn’t wait for an answer and raced up the stairs. He shoved open her bedroom door and saw that all of her clutter was gone. He walked into the room, her scent wrapping around him like a feeble hug. He sat on her lumpy bed. “What in the hell happened?” When he left, she was soft and pliant and happy in his arms. How did she go from that to this?

  Joey walked into the room and gave his dad a kiss. “She said to do that,” he said, sitting on the bed next to Ben. “She said she left you a note on the printer.”

  He hurried to get the note,
hoping to learn why she left so suddenly. Was there an emergency back in California and she hadn’t been able to reach him to tell him she had to leave right away? Ben grabbed the stack of papers in the printer and read the one on top. With each word he read, his heart grew heavier and heavier. She wouldn’t claim her half of the plantation. She would give him the power of attorney for her share to run the kennel and handle all Sugar Mill business. He was to use all the profits to reinvest in the kennel and plantation. He skimmed the rest of the sheet, knowing she had given him everything he had asked for. Why in the hell wasn’t he happy about it?

  The next note was a personal note for him. He read through it four times and still didn’t understand why she left in such a hurry, without telling him good-bye in person. She said it couldn’t be helped. That this was the best that she could do under the circumstances. He called bullshit on that. He had thought they had a different relationship than that. He thought she cared for him enough to not be so cold. He thought that maybe she loved him. What an idiot he’d been. He’d even thought that he might be in love with her.

  Ben ripped the letter in half and crumpled it. He looked at the other papers in his hand and felt too sick to read them. What a fool he’d been. He tossed the letter into the trashcan near the printer and sat on the bed next to his son.

  “She said I can visit her.” Joey looked at his father. When Ben didn’t answer, he didn’t say anything further but looked at the papers in his father’s hand. “Did Mr. Cooper write you a note, too?”

  “Huh?” He looked down at the page in his hand and the two after it. He closed his eyes and sucked in a deep breath. Damn her. She was trying to sell the plantation to investors without his consent. Ben stood and walked to the window to look outside. According to the e-mails, she’d sent them brochures and photographs and every damn thing to make the sale happen—never telling him about it. Why was she letting him know about it this way, now? What was she trying to accomplish? Did she want to hurt him? Make him angry? Who was this woman that did this? It wasn’t the Elli he thought he knew. Was this the real one?